"Cant Loosen Up"

"Cant Loosen Up"

by Arcassin Burnham

why are all of you putting more weight on my shoulders,

waiting for the years of long pain and suffering to be over,

you all put me in a very messy mind state,

where i cant maintain,

suicide was the answer,

but it was never questioned,

out of all the fucked up things in my life,

all the exs and broken friendships,

i now realize that i cant be what they want me to be,

i can only be me,

get rid of some of this stress,

cant loosen up,

cant shake this phobia,

when all i do is shake,

like bruce banner looking for the cure to stop the hulk,

how can life go on from all my mistakes,

with bad people,

that i couldve impressed,

but failed miserably,

to know ive always hated myself,

father figures burned out of the picture,

if he could have been here my life wouldnt be like this,

deserving to die,

deserving not to live,

deserving not to care,

to live in anxiety,

probably for the rest of my life,

i hate myself.